Match PreviewsNews

Everton vs Crystal Palace

by ijjysmith

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

We go again. For god’s sake do we have to? Much like many other Everton fans I just wish this season would die and be left to rot in a basement somewhere never to be spoken of again. But here we are anyway, Crystal Palace at home. A game we’re usually pretty bad in, even in a good season, so what could go wrong here then? Lots could. We all know it. But we might win I suppose….HA GOOD ONE.

I’ll start off with some good news. Wilfried Zaha probably isn’t playing. So any thoughts of him murdering Cuco Martina (you know he’s playing so stop going on about it), him for 90 minutes can be gone. And on paper they really don’t have much else to worry about. Having said that though Old melt face the second Roy has got them seemingly playing alright after a god awful start to the season. They will probably be safe now, but it would be nice to put a few more points between us and the teams really struggling down there, just so our collective behinds can clench a little less.
Looking down their squad list, you can see why they were down there to start with.
Massive head Benteke (anyone calling him Bentekkers needs to grow up), will cause us issues if he can be arsed. The old Belgian ‘can he be bothered this week’ curse has left us but the condition thrives around other teams in the league thankfully.
Yohan Cabeye is a tidy little player who probably misses kissing Alan Pardew in the showers too much to be a Hodgson type player. Oh and a warning to Cabaye. That ball boy you viciously attacked that season when you were at Newcastle will be growing up by now and will want to web you in the face.
James McArthur isn’t James McCarthy. Not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing yet.
Both Andros Townsend and Jason Puncheon are exactly the sort of player who will be consistently awful for entire seasons, except the games against us where they look like Messi and Neymar combined and we all wonder why they are at Crystal Palace.
Scott Dann is a Kopite and will score from a corner as Ashley Williams is busy growing dreadlocks.
They’ve got other players too. But really who cares?


The thing is with Crystal Palace, they’re actually pretty harmless. A London club who has an inexplicable rivalry with Brighton (I honestly can’t work this out), but a London club that isn’t Arsenal, Chelsea or Spurs so I can’t really hate them. Memories of them spanking us 4-1 in the Zenith Data Systems Cup what feels like 50 years ago can be put aside ……until you see that cringey gang of fans who sit at Selhurst Park with big flags in the little corner there. Can’t be doing with them. Hope we spank you 8-0 just because of them.

Anyway. Everton. Just stop it yeah? And I don’t mean stop tackling opposition players. You did that against Arsenal last week in what, for me at least, was the peak awful performance in a season of awful performances. All week i’ve been correcting people saying Arsenal are back or their new players are doing the business. No. That was all Everton. We were grim. Worse than that. We were embarrassing. Fans streaming out of the Emirates after 30 minutes, after travelling so far should be refunded. They won’t be though will they? That doesn’t seem to be the ‘Everton Way’, whatever that is.

There’s a real disconnection between the fans and the club at the moment. But what do they expect when we are forced to watch a team that cost more than the Arsenal one we were playing against last week, just crumble, and worst of all not look like they even cared. Ashley Williams came out this week saying he and the players are embarrassed by the performance. This would mean much more if he hadn’t said, almost word for word, the same thing earlier in the season after Atalanta I think. It might not have been Atalanta actually. There’s been so many drubbings this season we should be used to it. Maybe we are all just numb to it now. It’s that bad. It’s just so hard to support Morgan Schneiderlin isn’t it?

I’ve been quite negative there. I’m not usually like this so let’s see what team the fat man sends out in the crap ex England manager derby this weekend.
For a start bin the back 3 thing right off. Some teams do alright with it. Everton never do.
A back 4 including Seamus Coleman and i’ll be feeling alright. How boss was he against Leicester by the way? I mean he probably felt sore as the next day but what an effort. Shame the others aren’t him. Literally him.
Midfield….IF THAT FRENCH MAN EVEN THINKS OF BEING INCLUDED… know who I mean. Play Tom Davies. He earned it by not being god awful against Arsenal.
Attacking wise, can see changes. Walcott should still play, Gylfi (I still can’t spell his last name yet) should return, and Rooney might play in midfield thinking about it.
Up top, god forbid we might 2 strikers, nah, it will be DCL I reckon. Tosun seems a nice guy but hasn’t hit it off yet, and Niasse is arse when he starts games, so bring him off the bench if we need him to dive for a penno later on.

I’ve deliberately not spoken much about Sam Allardyce here. I just can’t be bothered. He lies weekly to all of our faces. I just hope beyond all hope that he’s not here next season. But my hopes on this are dwindling weekly because Everton never do anything I actually want them to do.

Just win Everton. Don’t care how. Get to safety so we can all just drop this season off a big cliff never to be seen again.



Why not discuss it on theĀ  #COYB Forum ?

the authorComeOnYouBlues

1 Comment

Leave a Reply